A new study published in the journal Quackery has found conclusive anecdotal evidence that vaccines cause autism. Researchers from the University of North Korea surveyed 10 individuals that frequented a homeopathy store and analyzed their beliefs about vaccines.
The researchers found that all 10 individuals believed that vaccines cause autism. Lead researcher Axel McChippy shared some of his thoughts regarding the study’s findings. “This is a truly shocking and eye-opening finding,” he says. “It shows us that science and conventional medicine have been doing things completely wrong for the last several decades.”
Some criticism has been aimed at the study. Its opponents point out that there was no control group and that the study suffered from selection bias and does not have the power to prove any causation. To this, Mr. McChippy replies, “clearly, any researchers that have enough funding to conduct a study with a control group, or are even capable of controlling for a single confounding variable are being paid off by large pharmaceutical companies. I mean, how could anyone disagree with our findings? It’s obvious that if signs of autism show up after one of the many vaccines that are given throughout childhood, then the vaccines must be the cause.”
McChippy advocates that because of “Big Pharma’s influence,” the rules of scientific evidence must be revised and that any evidence previously thought to be of higher quality than anecdotal, word-of-mouth evidence must be dismissed as unreliable. McChippy did point out one exception to this rule: any study that agrees with his world view.
The study’s authors also pointed out that all 10 individuals believed that the mercury in vaccines is dangerous. When Mr. McChippy was informed that breast milk exposes children to more mercury than vaccines, he pointed out that “there is a big difference between being injected with a substance and ingesting it orally. All of these other scientists that have pointed out that the bioavailability of ethylmercury, which is contained in thimerosal containing vaccines, is incredibly low compared to methylmercury found in breast milk, are clearly Pharma shills. It really underscores the fact that every scientist and researcher in the world has been bought. The term ‘bioavailability’ is just another word invented by vaccine manufacturers to confuse the public.”
When asked why trends in the incidence of autism remained unaffected after thimerosal was removed from childhood vaccines in 2003, McChippy said he had to leave to catch his flight to the World Congress of Science Denial being hosted by government officials in Miami, Florida.
*This is an April Fool’s post.